Tim and Tracy Koop Share Their Story of Open Adoption

For many couples, the idea of ever conceiving a baby becomes stressful and sorrowful when they are not able to. Some do not know or realize that there are other options for them. One of those options is Open Adoption.

Now, what is an open adoption? Well open adoption allows the adoptive parents and the adopted child to interact directly with the birth parents. The family members agree on a level of communication that they are both comfortable with. The communication may include letters, e-mails, telephone conversations, or visits. The frequency of contact is agreed upon and it can range from every few years to several times a month or more. The level of contact often changes as the child grows up and asks more questions about his/her adoption. The level of contact may change due to the needs of the family.

The goals of an open adoption are to minimize the child’s loss of relationships. Open adoption strives to maintain and celebrate the adopted child’s connections with all of the important people in his/her life.

Tim and Tracy Koop will have been married 17 years on May 5, 2011 and have been trying to have a family for about 10 to 12 years. They have not been successful on their own. The Koops felt that God was leading them towards the option of adoption instead of to in vitro fertilization.

The Koops first looked at Christian Family Services to help them get started in the adoption process. They decided to look at another agency just in case. They went to Catholic Social Service (CSS) in Dodge City, Kansas. They liked them better than the first agency and they were closer, so they switched to CSS.

The Koops wanted to emphasize that people do not have to be Catholic to access the services that Catholic Social Services offer and help with. The Koops commented that they were really good to work with. The program, support, and education were really great. They had an all around good experience.

The Koops began their adoption process in March of 2009 and was picked by a birthmother in May of 2010. They only had to wait five months after the paperwork was completed to the time that they were picked to adopt a baby. The baby was born in September and the adoption was finalized in December of 2010.

There were many things that the Koops had to complete and participate in to be approved for an adoption. They had to have a home study done to evaluate whether they were suitable to adopt a child. They also took classes about open adoption. The classes helped answer the Koops’ questions and they had the opportunity to discuss issues with other couples taking the classes. In the last class that the Koops took there was panel of people present. They were people that had been adopted and mothers who had placed their children in adoption that came to speak to the class. The class was able to observe real people living out the adoption process and to ask them questions.

The birth mother gets to choose the family that her child will be adopted by. The families that are approved put together a family biography for birth mothers to view. They then pick a family from looking through the biographies. The Koops were chosen by Amy, the birth mom, in May of 2010. Amy was about six months along in her pregnancy when the Koops met her for the first time.

Amy decided to go with the option of adoption because first she fell in love with the new life that was growing inside her. She could not bring herself to end this new life with abortion and knew that she would not be able to live with herself if she chose to end the new life inside her. Second, Amy does not have the financial means to raise her daughter on her own. “I knew in my heart that I would have loved to raise her, but unfortunately in reality you need the money to raise a child and take care of them. Absolutely, it was a hard decision to make.”

After the initial visit, the Koops went to all of her doctor’s appointments. They texted and e-mailed her often to get to know her better and so she could get to know them better. They even helped her move from one place to another. The Koops believe that getting to know the birth mom is very important. The Koops believe that they were brought into Amy’s life for a reason and that Amy was brought into their lives for a reason. Amy and the Koops both feel they have been blessed by knowing each other.

When the baby was born in September, Amy had to sign a form relinquishing her rights to the baby over to the Koops. There had to be witnesses and it had to be notarized. The birth mom has about 24 – 48 hours to change her mind once the baby is born.

Once Gia was born, the Koops kept in contact with Amy to reassure her and to let her know that she is needed and that they were not going to abandon her just because they now had the baby. Amy has seen Gia two times since her birth and has been sent a plethora of pictures. The Koops still call, text and e-mail Amy.

The Koops would like to state that Amy is the birth mom and is able to be a part of Gia’s life, but she does not co-parent Gia. Amy’s role is somewhat of an aunt or uncle. She is there during the holidays and gets to buy gifts for Gia, but she does not parent her. The Koops are the only ones parenting Gia. It is a nice balance for everyone.

The Koops would like to encourage people to look into adoption. They would like people to know that if you get pregnant, there is the option of adoption if you feel like you do not have any other options. They have had a very good experience and wouldn’t change anything. They know that adoption is not for everyone but when you get the right couple together seeking a child and the right birth mom it can be a very rewarding and learning experience. There are people out there waiting to adopt right now. So far they are the only ones from their class who have adopted.

Amy would like to advise other women in similar situations to do your research and look at all of the options. “Remember, it’s not the end of the world.” She was scared right at the beginning, but her mother had three kids, and millions of women have been doing this forever, so she kept reminding herself that she could do it too!

Amy is positive about the decision that she has made and is very happy with the way it has turned out. Amy commented, “Gia was the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life. I’m blessed and grateful that she is in our lives. Also, through Gia, I have added a whole new extended family into my life. Also, I could not have asked for better parents as Tim and Tracy are for Gia, it was like it was meant to be. God answered all of our prayers.”

Please click here to learn more about the adoption services offered by Catholic Social Service.